“Companionship is what I offer to Mrs. Alicki,” explains Caldwell Hospice and Palliative Care Bereavement Coordinator Emily Pitts. Georgia Alicki is coping with the loss of her true life partner, John Alicki, to whom she was married for 63 years.

Bereavement support fills a void that occurs when friends and relatives postpone or reduce their presence and support, often thinking it’s time for the survivor to “get on with living.” Support can mean regular phone calls, cards on the “firsts” (first birthday, wedding anniversary, important holiday, etc. since the patient’s death), visits, counseling sessions, support groups—whatever family members need. Bereavement staff and volunteers can be present when the most difficult trials of grief and bereavement set in, whether several weeks or several months after the death. Bereavement services are available to families for 13 months, following Hospice patients’ deaths.

Emily carries bereavement support to Georgia at home, where she feels most comfortable. They explore feelings and the complexities of grief, and they find practical ways to cope with them. It helps that Georgia is in a memory-rich environment. Walls are adorned with medals, photographs, citations, and other memorabilia from John’s illustrious military career, as well as oriental art from their four years in Japan and professional-quality framed photography by John. Family photos illustrate their marriage, the maturing of their daughter, and their grandson’s growth from precocious child to college graduate. In his spare time, John landscaped the yard and designed additions to the house, so his imprint is everywhere.

Georgia wants to stay at home—on her own—until, in her words, she doesn’t remember where she lives or know her name! Daughter Alicia lives in Ohio and wants someone to stay with her mom. Georgia’s nieces and cousins check on her regularly to be sure she has what she needs, calling several times a day and stopping by just to visit.

Ashewood Grief and Counseling Services offers the comfort of shared grief, especially in this situation. John Alicki was a patient-family volunteer for 19 years, so Hospice’s bereavement support feels very personal to Georgia. During John’s years as a Hospice volunteer, she says, he was always available, day or night, to visit patients, even if they lived “out in the country.” Whatever Hospice asked of him, John delivered, without complaint or delay. 

John announced his retirement as a Hospice volunteer at the 2007 volunteer banquet and became a Hospice patient. Georgia says everyone at Hospice was good to both of them. John stayed at home—that was what he wanted—and went to Hospice’s patient care unit for “respite” stays, when Georgia needed rest. She lost a lot of weight while caring for him, but didn’t realize it until after his death.

Hospice support was always available when John was living, Georgia says, allowing him to live and die with the dignity he deserved. Now, Georgia benefits from Hospice’s bereavement support. The visits are important to Georgia, widow for nearly a year, and to Emily, who describes “an unspoken trade-off in our visits.” Georgia “enjoys reminiscing about her late husband, and I enjoy her stories of adventure and words of wisdom.” The recently married Emily learned from Georgia that, with love for each other, couples can overcome any difficulties. The day of the interview for this article was John’s birthday, and Georgia says her first words that morning were: “Good morning, sweetheart.” 

Phone calls, notes, and visits from bereavement staff or volunteers let survivors heal at their own pace. They can voice their concerns, request individual counseling, join support groups (Healing Hearts for parents is one example), attend the monthly Lunch ’n’ Learn meetings (to learn coping skills, stress reduction, etc.), or participate in workshops (such as Working through Grief).